Action
by Novelist Pup
Summary: Where Sora's brain is poked and his adventure, to find out where his sexual preference lies, begins. [Slight RikuSora]


**Action**

Now, time for the initial brain-poking of Sora to the point that he gets a terrible headache and screams for it all to stop… I hope you're ready, and enjoy.

**Disclaimer: Nope. **

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I like sex. I really like sex.

I mean, it should be normal for a fifteen-year-old guy to like such things, but I think I might be obsessed…

Because, I just realized how amazingly cool it is. At first, I thought it was weird, because it reminded me of a game console's memory card slot. Yet, it's all thanks to Riku why it's stuck in my head.

Did anyone realize that as I fight the heartless, I am expected to make certain grunts of sound at certain times in certain situations? Like sex? I think Kairi might've noticed, because she keeps staring at me when ever I swing my sword.

My keyblade even looks kinda phallic if you look at it at a certain angle.

Yet, it's Riku's fault that I really, really like sex because he showed me this video when we were thirteen. I had absolutely **no** idea what the entire plot of the movie was, until now. When we watched it again. In fact the first thing that went through my head was, "OMGWTFBBQ! Riku's got a kink for gay porn!" and it was the best time of my life…

Well, excluding that one time when I threw Tidus into the ocean. Now **that** was the best time of my life. It took two hours to swim back to the island.

Actually, I'm really, really, _really_ confused now, because I don't know whether or not I like girls or boys. I asked Donald and Goofy what they thought of my predicament and they replied, "Sora, simply put, you're straight out gay." "Hyuck!" and that was the end of that.

So I decided to experiment, hooray.

First, I asked Sephiroth what he thought of me and he said that I was the most queerly adorable little boy he'd ever seen. _Ever_.

I couldn't really respond to that.

So, I tried one date with him and when we got to the restaurant, a random waitress pointed at Sephiroth and screamed, **_"PEDOPHILE!_**" successfully causing a complete uproar. Sephiroth grabbed his immensely long sword and sliced every table in that place like a piece of fruit.

Sephiroth even had the nerve to look bashful and apologetic.

"Sorry, Uber-Adorable-Little-Boy named Sora."

It was amazingly cute for some whacked-up reason.

So I decided that one trait that I like in people is that they can look cute and sorry even after destroying the entire world for no apparent reason. Oh, and I decided that me and Sephiroth should just stay friends. He was ecstatic.

Next, I tried Leon. Leon has always been truthful with me, so I wanted to see what he thought about me.

"Sora, you're gay."

Damn, why does everyone think that?

The date was quite strange. We went to the movies and saw 'The Notebook'. I never knew that Leon had such a bad reaction to chick flicks… He actually cried like it was real and his bottom lip was trembling too. I rubbed his back and he grabbed my shirt and wept into it. I still can't believe I thought he was such a badass.

So, now I added 'sensitive' onto my list of 'Traits I Look For In A Lover'. So, we didn't go on anymore dates because Leon couldn't look at my face without a tear trickling down his face.

Cloud was next. I always liked Cloud as a big brother and was anxious to see what he thought of me.

"Gay."

_WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE!_

We did not go on a date. It seems that Cloud thinks of me of a little brother, and if we go out, it'll feel kinda incestuous. I'm relieved, because I kinda thought the same thing.

So, honesty is on my list now.

I decided that a girl might be a good change. So I went to Kairi. "Sora, you're obviously gay." WHY?

"Because of the way you dress, you're very petite, you have a feminine edge, and you watch gay porn."

Dude, that was scary. And how does she know I watch gay porn!

"We can all hear the moaning from Riku's house."

Can she read my mind?

"No, it's women's intuition."

That explains it, not very well, but still.

"Don't question my intuition."

Freaky.

"That's it! Give me back my OathKeeper!"

I ran away at that point, because I didn't want to give up my uber-cool keyblade.

I needed to talk to someone, so I went to Tidus. I asked him to tell me if he thought I was straight or gay.

"Sora, I think you're straight…"

YES! FINALLY!

"…As a circle!"

Goddamnit! No ones on my side!

I left at that point, with an incredibly bad headache, and fortunately bumped into Riku. Or unfortunately, seeing as how what happened next.

"Hey Sora, do you wanna have sex?"

**E**N**D**

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Done, the dissecting of Sora's brain is complete. Next, we poke Riku's brain with a stick picked up from the ground. I hope you enjoyed. 


End file.
